Insecurious
by Cutthroat Pixie
Summary: Spain/Fem!Romano: Antonio is acting oddly, and his actions lead Lovina to make a very wrong assumption about the status of their relationship.


Title: Insecurious  
Pairing: Spain/Fem!Romano  
Rating: PG-13/T  
Note: I used human names in this one, just 'cause I felt like it. Also, it was written for my loverly friend Patricia. :)

* * *

The sunshine streaming through the curtains greeting her as she awoke, instead of a smile and a warm body pressing against her, hadn't tipped Lovina off that anything was wrong. The fact that it was nearly noon and she hadn't heard a peep from said (currently missing) warm body was a welcome change, and not a cause for worry. When she went about her routine of slowly getting out of bed, showering, and dressing without Antonio interupting her once, she had found it a little odd, but again, she wasn't complaining. Perhaps he had just gone out. Maybe they were having a fight she'd forgotten about and he was giving her time to cool off. Whatever it was, Lovina didn't think too much of it as she made her way out of Antonio's room and down the stairs.

A cough startled her and she turned to look into the front room, only to find Antonio sitting on the couch, curled up with a blanket. It was at that point that she definitely began to feel that something was just a little off.

"I'm going out," she informed him, waiting for his protests and clingyness to begin, fully prepared to turn him down when he begged to come along.

"Okay," Antonio responded, turning his head to look at her, a slightly strained grin on his face. "Have fun, Lovi."

That made Lovina pause, her face twisting into a confused expression. That was not what Antonio was supposed to say _at all_. Normally he could at least give her a hug and kiss goodbye, frequently this was preceded by an, "Aw, can I come with you?", perhaps a, "You don't need to go out, you can do that later, lets stay here for a little longer." He never just accepted it, that was entirely unheard of. He hadn't even asked where she was going.

Perhaps he just hadn't heard her. It wasn't yet siesta time, but maybe he was just tired and not thinking properly (which he never did normally, Lovina couldn't help but think). "I'm going _out_," Lovina said again. "By myself." Nothing. "As in not with you."

"Hm?" Lovina hadn't noticed, but Antonio had laid down at some point, and was currently sitting up to face her. He rubbed his eyes and yawned before attempting to say something, but Lovina beat him to it.

"Did you just fall asleep while I was talking to you?!" she asked incredulously. "You... you... ugh." She hiked her purse further up on her arm and glared at Antonio before stomping toward him. "You are so fucking rude."

"I thought you were goi--"

"I am _leaving the house and you don't care_," she cut him off yet again.

Antonio just sighed and gave her a small smile that definitely didn't reach his eyes, and Lovina paused in the middle of breathing in preparation for a good telling off.

"Whatever." Something was horribly, terribly, obviously wrong, but Lovina was not in the mood to deal with it. Whatever it was, she was sure a kiss goodbye that was actually initiated by her would do the trick in waking Antonio up from whatever stupor he was in. Don't let it be said that she never did anything for that bastard. Lovina leaned forward over the back of the couch, intending to give Antonio a quick kiss.

Antonio pulled back just as their lips were about to meet. "_Lo siento_, I'm si--"

"Oh fuck you." Lovina stormed off, not at all noticing what it was Antonio said, nor the obviously ill palor to his skin and the loud cough he let out as she slammed the door behind her.

Antonio closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose, attempting to quell the headache Lovina's noisy exit was sure to bring on.

---

Lovina was seething with anger as she stomped away from Antonio's house. Even when they fought, even when Antonio was frustrated with her, he never ignored her. If he was feeling irritated, all she had to do was show some small sign of affection, some minor act to tell him that she really did care, and he'd forgive her. If he felt they both needed some time apart to cool off (well, mostly for Lovina to cool off), he'd always be right where Lovina left him, waiting for her, and he was always more than happy to accept her presence as an apology.

Antonio was always attentive, always affectionate. Even if he was mad at her (and Lovina honestly couldn't think of anything he might be mad about, she hadn't been _that_ awful lately), he was more likely to whine about whatever it was she was doing wrong. He hadn't even wanted to kiss her, there must have been something going on.

She mulled the whole situation over, thinking hard on any and every possible cause of Antonio's odd behaviour, and the more she thought, the more upset she got. Her failure to notice the physical symptoms that accompanied Antonio's ignoring of her combined with her usual doubts and insecurites, and somewhere between Antonio's front doorstep and the farmer's market down the road, Lovina had got it into her head that Antonio was planning on breaking up with her.

"Fucking bastard, ignoring me like that," she mumbled, bowling through the crowd around her. To her, there was no other possible reason for Antonio's actions, he was obviously planning on ending their relationship. The other nation had clearly grown tired of her, or perhaps he'd never liked her to begin with. Maybe he was just being nice, since they'd known one another for so long. Had he found someone else? Had he simply realised that dating her was as unappealing as everyone else clearly thought it was?

"_Fucking bastard_." She stopped her inner dialogue of questions and doubts when Lovina realised a tomato had just burst in her hand, and she was now covered in the sticky juice. She muttered an apology to the confused man working at the produce stand, handed him a couple coins to cover the cost of the ruined fruit, and went on her way, now blaming Antonio for the fact that she'd have to return home (_Spain's house_ she thought to herself, throat tightening in a most unpleasant way) to clean herself up.

---

Lovina opened the front door as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake Antonio up, should he still be sleeping on the couch. It had nothing to do with common courtesy, and more to do with the fact that she didn't want to face him at the moment. Fortunately for her, Antonio appeared to have moved elsewhere. He wasn't in the kitchen, or anywhere along the way from there to the bathroom. Lovina was glad for that, because the longer she thought about it, the less she wanted to kill Antonio and the more she wanted to just cry over the whole situation she'd thought up found herself in.

Lovina angrily rubbed at the tomato juice on her blouse with a wet rag, entirely oblivious to the fact that the door to the bathroom was being opened. Once again, the sound of a cough made her jump.

"Ah, you're home," Antonio said, a raspy tone to his voice. "I..." he trailed off, then suddenly turned and rushed off in the other direction, hand over his mouth.

Lovina threw the rag at his back.

---

After she'd cleaned herself up, Lovina left the house again, intending to stay out as long as possible. She considered just going back to her own house, but a call to her sister had negated that possibility, as a certain potato bastard was staying the night. She'd just have to wait until it was late enough for Antonio to be asleep, then she could leave.

Late into the evening, Lovina entered the quiet, darkened house. After locking the door behind her, she made her way upstairs, pausing when she reached the door to Antonio's room. Did she really want to go in there? Did _Antonio_ want her to go in there?

"I'm not sleeping in these clothes," she muttered, deciding that if she was quiet enough, she could slip into the room and get a pair of pyjamas without Antonio noticing at all.

The first thing she noticed when she opened the door was the obvious lack of Antonio in the bed.

Puzzled, she turned the light on, which only served in futher illustrating the fact that, save herself, the room was empty. A piece of paper on her pillow caught her eye, and she quickly picked it up and unfolded it.

_Lovi,_

Hope you had a nice time going out today. I'm sleeping in one of the guest bedrooms, thought it would be better for you. Sorry for leaving a note, but I didn't think you'd be gone so late.

See you in the morning,

Antonio

Lovina read the note again, utterly flabbergasted.

"Thought it would be better for me?" she asked aloud. "What the fuck does that even mean?"

Stomping over to the dresser to get something to wear to bed, Lovina tore up the note and let the pieces scatter over the floor. Once she was changed, she set the alarm on Antonio's bedside table for 8:00 am (she'd normally never even consider getting up so early, but she needed to get out of there as soon as possible), then turned the light out and got into bed.

An hour later, she found herself still awake, tossing and turning. There was a tightness in her throat that she'd been feeling on and off all day, only now it was worse than ever. Accompanying that awful feeling was a clenching in her chest, and a horrible, sinking feeling that made its way from her heart to the pit of her stomach.

She glanced at the clock, hardly registering the actual numbers it blinked back at her through the tears clouding her vision.

"This isn't fair," she sobbed, finally succumbing to the crying her body had been desperately attempting for who knows how long. She reached across the bed, grabbed Antonio's pillow and buried her face in it. She told herself it was just to stiffle the noise she was making. She inhaled deeply and Antonio's scent on the pillow made her cry all that much harder, a little reminder of something she may not have priviledge to for much longer.

Because Antonio was going to leave her, of course. The only person she had a halfway decent relationship with was going to end it, and she couldn't figure out why. Well, she could think of many, many reasons why somebody wouldn't want to be with her, but she'd thought Antonio was different. Things had been going relatively well lately, as well, so the question was really more of a _why now?_ than a simple _why?_

At some point, the clock blinked 3:00 am at her, and that was the last thing she remembered before falling into an uneasy sleep.

---

The shrill ringing of the alarm awoke Lovina hours later.

And was promptly cut off by somebody other than herself.

Before she was fully aware of what was happening, that certain somebody was petting her hair and sleepily whispering something at her.

"Lovina? Did you have to be up for something? You set the alarm." Lovina froze, remaining still and silent as Antonio laid down next to her, continuing to run his fingers gently along her scalp. He chuckled softly when she didn't respond. "Guess it was an accident." Gently, Antonio began to pry his pillow away from Lovina.

"Give that back, you--"

"Oh, sorry, did I wake you...?" Antonio grinned at her, only to have the expression falter when he noticed Lovina's tear stained face. "Are you okay?"

Lovina rushed to get out of bed, only to become entangled in the sheets. She tried to free herself, but all her efforts managed to do were trap her more within the tangles of her coverings.

"Calm down," Antonio said, gently pulling the sheets off of her. "What's wrong? Did I get you sick?"

Lovina stopped struggling. "Get me...?"

"I really hope I didn't, I was trying so hard not to." He pressed the back of his hand to her forehead. "Hm, you don't seem to have a fever."

Suddenly, things started making so much more sense. The coughing, not wanting to kiss her, rushing off with _his hand over his mouth_, sleeping in a different room... "You mean you're not breaking up with me?"

"Huh?" Antonio looked at Lovina with confusion. "Why would I be breaking up with you, silly?"

"I thought... you wouldn't..." It was way too early for this shit, Lovina couldn't even form a coherent thought. "I didn't know you were ill."

Antonio scooted closer to her, wrapping his arms around her slightly smaller form and pulling her flush against his chest. "I told you I was, yesterday morning."

A vague memory of pushing Antonio away the previous morning and telling him to shut the fuck up and stop coughing resurfaced, and Lovina felt just a little foolish. "Whatever. Why are you here?"

Antonio rubbed his cheek against her hair and Lovina rolled her eyes at the action. "I heard the alarm go off. I'm feeling much better now, so I should be fine to stay in here with you."

Lovina shifted against Antonio and finally brought her arms up to wrap around him in reciprocation. She had half a mind to yell at Antonio for making her worry, but honestly, it was all her fault for thinking such silly things in the first place. Beside that fact, it was too fucking early, and all she wanted to do was sleep.

"Night... morning, Lovi, " Antonio mumbled. He added a soft, "Don't ever forget that I love you," before falling asleep.

"Hmph, night," Lovina mumbled back.

Now that everything was back to normal, she fell into a far easier sleep than she had the night before.


End file.
